Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
