We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
