Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
