: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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