Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
