So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
