Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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