just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
