OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
