hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
