I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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