I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
