so that wasnt chicken after all
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
