i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she peed on how many people?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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