i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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