A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
