I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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