Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think i got beer on your cat.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
