i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
