TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
