Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
