Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
