Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't deserve a penis
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize