i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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