he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
