is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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