You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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