So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
