i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
