I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
