ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
