I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
