Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
