i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
