So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
