I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He passed out mid-signature
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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