I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
