It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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