You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
