I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
