This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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