I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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