I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
