my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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