I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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