you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
