Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
