i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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