She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
time to smoke my breakfast
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
