i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
