So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
