problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
how drunk are you?
Several
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
