I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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